Madonna segued out of the Music era with the title song from the James Bond movie Die Another Day. Originally Madonna was supposed to have recorded a different song that was a cover (the title escapes me) but that never surfaced.

I loved the James Bond song. Years later I would read in the press that Madonna's Bond theme was "a disappointment" and "a flop" but I don't remember that being the case at all. At the time, "Die Another Day" got heavy rotation at the clubs. I remember MTV playing the song as well as radio. I remember before the CD single came out I just had to have a copy of the song. I found a fuzzy download of "Die Another Day" and burned a CD (it was that same day I also first got my hands on either Mariah's new "Make It Through The Rain" or Tori Amos' "Sorta Fairytale" -- can't remember which--but I remember there were two songs on that CD I took with me everywhere…)

The "Die Another Day" video continued the dark violent streak introduced with the previous "What It Feels Like For A Girl". I liked this new dark and broody Madonna. I could relate.

As 2002 neared to a close rumors started circulating about what the fan sites called "Madonna 10" (being that the upcoming album would be her tenth studio release.) Details about the forthcoming album were scant. There were rumors of sessions with rappers. There were rumors that Madonna would be rapping on the album herself. There were rumors of a ten-plus minute epic track. There were fake track listings and there was a statement from Warner Brother Records that "they had just heard tracks from the upcoming Madonna album, and once again it sounded like nothing she had done before."

As information leaks onto the net one wonders what is real and what isn't. The first legitimate information to leak about "Madonna 10" was that there was a song called "Hollywood" on the album, and a song called "American Life." Much like any time there's new Madonna information, my curiosity was aroused. These seemed like different song titles from Madonna. I couldn't quite imagine what a Madonna song titled "American Life" could possibly sound like?

A few months prior to the release of "Madonna 10" little clips began to surface on the internet. The very very first clip to leak was a short few second clip of Madonna rapping the follow phrase: "I'm drinking a soy latte - I get a couple shotte - it goes right through my body - and you know I'm satisfied" over and over and over. Three minutes of this loop. This short clip confirmed the rumors that Madonna would be rapping on an upcoming song. Would she pull it off? Realistically, Madonna did rap at the end of "Vogue" -- the whole "Greta Garbo and Monroe" shtick. Up to this point in her career, Madonna had made everything work. In my eyes, she had never failed. Not from a personal standpoint, nor from an artistic or commercial standpoint. No matter how daring or abstract (within the realms of pop music) Madonna got, she always pulled it off.

As 2003 began it was confirmed that Madonna's upcoming album was going to be titled American Life. Interesting. Where would Madonna take us this time? What was next? Shortly after this announcement photos from the Craig McDean photo session began to surface. Madonna was pictured as a black haired, beret wearing, camouflaged renegade. I loved these pictures. I might have loved these pictures more than any Madonna photos I had ever seen before. There was something punk about these photos. Shades of Chrissie Hynde. Something dark and ominous and violent. This was a different kind of darkness than "Frozen" Madonna. That darkness was sad and mysterious. These new Craig McDean photos portrayed Madonna as a confrontational, gun toting soldier. I loved it.

A second clip of the "American Life" song leaked onto the net. This clip contained the chorus of the song…lone…acoustic…very 1970s… The more that leaked about this song, this album, and this era, the more intrigued I found myself. It was hard to picture the chorus of this song being the same song that contained the prior leaked rap. Hmmm?

As details about the album began to arise so did information about the forthcoming "American Life" video. There were rumors. Rumors about burning babies. Rumors that this was the most extreme thing Madonna had ever done. Jonas Akerlund, the video's director released a statement that of all the Madonna projects with which he's been involved, the "American Life" video was of the most importance. His favorite.

Over the next few weeks the song titles and lyrics were released for the American Life album. I was completely enthralled. With song titles as abstract as "Love Profusion" and "X-static Process" I knew this had to be good. Reading through the lyrics…the seemed a little remedial…but Madonna's lyrics were never her strongest point. It was her execution of her lyrics. Her delivery.

Anticipation in the Madonna fan base reached a fever pitch as her new "American Life" single was to be released as a digital download exclusively on her website. It was 2003...I'm not sure how widespread I-tunes was at the time…but I remember it being different for me at least to buy a single digitally like this.

So I paid my $1.49 and let the new Madonna song download. The temperature and lighting in my bedroom were just perfect. It was a new Madonna era. I was ecstatically eager and ready for this. The song completed its download. I burned the song to a CD, and I put it in my CD player.
And Madonna's naked a capella voice issued from the speakers: "Do I have to change my name…will it get me far…should I lose some weight…am I gonna be a star?"

And immediately an obtuse electronic bleepy bass line kicked in. Off centre. Off kilt. Easily the most obtuse song Madonna has ever done.

And so the tradition was continued. I began to cry listening to this brand new Madonna song "American Life". Despite the simplicity of the lyrics…I strongly subscribed to the songs' anti-materialism, anti-pop-culture, anti-fashion aesthetic. For the zillionth time, Madonna was in my right place at my right time.

"American Life" turned out to be quite the song. Abstract electronic verses, a repetitive pre-chorus, and a chorus itself that dropped the electronics completely. And then came the rap in all its glory. A bit cheesy…ok a lot cheesy…but totally tongue in cheek. If anything, this new Madonna song was far out there. I wondered if she'd really pull this off. I had a hard time imagining the simplistic general public grasping this song and embracing it. My best hopes lied on the video…many times it took a Madonna video to truly bring a song to life. And from what I'd heard about this video so far…it was quite the whopper.

Shortly after the release of the "American Life" single I went on tour up north to play some dates. I remember being in Delaware in my rental car with my guitar player Jimmy Reese and playing the song over and over and over. I made a lot of new friends up during that show…and I drove them around listening to the new Madonna single over and over. I just loved how weird it was. I loved the acoustic guitar riff atop the electronics. I loved the double chorus. I loved that it defied all convention. I will always associate "American Life" the song with that tour…

And so the days clicked down until the "American Life" videos supposed release. Meanwhile, in the world the war in Iraq had begun. And so began a violent dark time in our world. A week before the video was set to air, reports came out that Madonna was editing her new video to tone down the ending. A few more days passed. On the eve of the video's release came the news. I remember the moment. I remember sitting in front of my computer and reading with disbelief. Madonna was withdrawing her "American Life" video from release. I felt cold and empty. After twenty years of fearlessness Madonna, for the first time ever, had compromised her art. "American Life" was set to be her grandest, most daring, most shocking, and probably most important and timely statement ever. There certainly would have been a grand backlash to this video…but the world NEEDED this video at this time. And that night…the night Madonna withdrew her "American Life" video…something changed forever. It was that night that it felt like Madonna resigned from her position as the renegade spokesperson of my generation. Mass marketing and safe bets had won the day. I managed to get my hands on the edited clip of the unreleased video. Even that version was shocking, artistic, and necessary. (Years later when I was the uncensored version of the video…I wondered how much of an impact the video would have made…certainly Madonna's most daring statement.)

I knew that without the visuals to accompany this song…the song's message was going to go over people's heads. In sync with the startling imagery…the song lit up like a forest fire. Without the video…the message escaped. Madonna may always be the queen of pop…but after that night she would no longer in my heart be a warrior.

"American Life" was refashioned into a passive and boring video depicting Madonna in front of various flags. The video sucked. All the "American Life" promo shots were re-tinted to fade out the guns. And an entire era of Madonna had within two weeks been watered down. With consideration to her marketability and public image, I can easily see why Madonna chose to modify her art. But…this went against everything Madonna had stood for. And through the years Madonna's statements had gotten bolder and bolder… With this new albums and its stance against materialism and our decaying culture…Madonna censoring herself cheapened her own statements. I was really sad that night. I know it's stupid…but I was. I felt in a way….let down.

American Life the album rolled closer, despite the failure of the first single. Madonna went on a neat promo trail armed with a beret and an acoustic guitar. Amidst the ganga-rap and Barbie dolls on MTV--I thought it was neat they were still giving Madonna air time in this strange phase of hers. Right in the middle of all the vapidness was a Madonna special with her and Mirwais plucking out new songs on acoustic guitars. Madonna the folk singer. I loved it. I LOVED IT. I knew with this new album Madonna would descend from her top 40 throne…but as a writer and musician myself I flourished in the countercultures of noise music and punk. To see Madonna evolving into a fringe artist herself thrilled me. Welcome home my Madonna. I burned a CD from the internet of one of Madonna's promo acoustic gigs…one of the highlights being an acoustic version of "Like A Virgin".

To purchase American Life I once again made the trek to the overnight 24 hour WalMart. The same gentleman who was kind enough to go into the storeroom and get Music for me did the same for the new album. Being that it was WalMart, I knew I would only be able to get my hands on the version of the album without the parental advisory sticker. I didn't mind. I just wanted to get my hands on the new Madonna ASAP. I bought two copies…one for myself and one for the Madonna bingo party I was going to be hosting the following evening.  (I ended up buying the Parental Advisory version the following day...and was pleasantly surprised when Madonna added in a series of "fuck its" into the title track.  Loved it.)

With the album in my hands, before even listening to it I loved everything about it. I loved the minimalist cover art. I loved the dripping blood font. I loved that my favorite pop singer was releasing material that was dark and just outside of the mainstream. I couldn't wait to get into my car and hear the rest of the album. Once again, I'd refrained from listening to all the tracks prior to the album's release. (The night before I listened to "Mother and Father" and "Love Profusion".)

I drove home from WalMart with American Life in my CD player. The album opened with the title track, which I knew and loved. Once the song segued into "Hollywood" the tears once again came. This song was so dark and edgy. It reminded me of something Madonna would have done in her pre-first album days. This album was certainly punk in its aura…if anything. I immediately loved "Hollywood". Track three "Im So Stupid" was another strange one. During the opening passage Madonna holds one vocoder-ed note for a bit longer than is acceptable to the comfortable ear. And I loved it. I loved that this album was abrasive. I knew a lot of people were going to think that it sucked. That made me love it even more. Only certain people were going to "get" this album and that made it special to me.

I ended up loving every song on the album. The production was very spare and minimal. A couple of the songs even bordered on indie-rock. Madonna had challenged her voice, her musicianship, and her sound yet again. The only weakness in the album, I felt, were the lyrics. At times embarrassingly simple, and at times preachy. But I was willing to over look those minor flaws. "Die Another Day" also seemed a bit out of place on the record…its production was a bit too lush. "Mother And Father" was affecting in its simplicity…and "Nothing Fails" was an emotive pop song. "X Static Process" found Madonna pared down to just voice/guitar…leading to the most daring and revealing moment on the album. It was refreshing and almost shocking to hear a high caliber pop singer go so lo-fi. I loved it.

American Life was easily one of my favorite Madonna albums yet. It was interesting as the next few months unfolded. No matter how Madonna tried, a commercial fire could not be ignited. The video for the second single, "Hollywood" was disappointing to me. After the daring "American Life" failed Madonna quickly dyed her hair back to blonde, lost the beret, and re-adopted her classic Madonna look. This seemed like a hasty commercial move that was in direct conflict to the message of the entire album. The single and the video both failed. Further singles "Love Profusion" and "Nothing Fails" also failed to ignite chart heat. I honestly felt like "Nothing Fails" had the potential to breakthrough…given the proper video and promotion. (Although it must be mentioned one of the highlights of this era was Madonna's quirky photo shoot for W Magazine.)

This was definitely a strange time to be a Madonna fan. Madonna began to release children's books. I collected them all, of course, but there was definitely some "what the fuck" going on on my part. It was also during this era that Madonna teamed up with Britney Spears for the horrendous duet "Me Against The Music." Teaming up with one of the then-current teeny bopper stars initially seemed an act of unnecessary desperation. And it didn't help that the song itself sucked (unless listened to and enjoyed strictly from the point of camp value.)  And then there was that annoying Gap ad with the equally annoying Missy Elliot.

The Britney/Madonna team created a firestorm of controversy when they made out on stage at the MTV VMAs. We all know the story already. The thing I enjoyed most about that whole ordeal was Madonna's manly outfit…shades of the Girly Show.

Towards the end of the American Life era Madonna's official website began to advertise a book titled "Nobody Knows Me" on their website. The book allegedly was going to take you further behind the scenes than ever before, and show sides to Madonna no one had seen. I was thrilled! Of course I smacked down the money. I think it was around thirty dollars. I was rather disappointed when the book turned out to be a thin photo essay with scant quotes from her manager and stylist and some song lyrics. I felt a bit taken advantage of as a Madonna fan.

Madonna also released an EP around this time titled Remixed and Revisited which reconsidered some of the tracks from American Life. I loved the remixes. The new mixes took the tracks in a heavier rock direction…a direction Madonna had never taken before. Unfortunately, the EP wasn't marketed properly and it sunk as fast as everything else did from this era.

American Life era ended with the "Re-Invention Tour." After the prior tour "Drowned World" (which I did not see live) apparently Madonna was putting together a show that was more crowd pleasing and focused on her early hits more.

I remember tickets going on sale at 11 am. I manned one phone at work while my mom did another at her house. By mistake we BOTH ended up buying tickets for the show. I easily found someone to buy the second ticket…but unfortunately that landed me in a long car ride to Ft. Lauderdale with some guy I'd never met before. It was certainly uncomfortable maintaining eight hours worth of conversation with a stranger.

Map Quest fucked me and instead of ending up where the Madonna concert was supposed to be, I ended up in front of an elementary school. For two hours people kept sending us on wild goose chases. I ended up by the ocean. I ended up by big hotels. FINALLY someone led us on the right path. We found the venue…an hour after the show was scheduled to start. I was finally going to be in the same room as one of my few heroes. I knew this was going to be an important night for me. So I got out of my rental car and I ran and ran and ran. I was gasping for breath. I left the strange guy far in the dust. And I ran and ran and ran. There was an old lady taking tickets at the gate. She said the concert had just started. I ran to my seat. And there she was…in the same room as me. Madonna. Singing "Frozen." And tears came down my face. And those tears didn't stop for the next two hours. I'd only missed two songs from the show. ("Vogue" and "Nobody Knows Me".)

I was most emotional during the live versions of the American Life tracks. When it comes to life performance, I usually find myself most moved when artists are performing the new material that they are most passionate about (unless of course the new material sucks.) Hearing Madonna sing these new renegade acoustic tracks live was as close to a spiritual experience as I've ever had. Especially during the violent and bloody rendition of "American Life" did I sob. This was Madonna - the artist. The reason I loved her.

I walked away from the concert with a strange feeling. For the first time since her beginning, it felt like Madonna was no longer a trail blazer. Although much of the mass public disagreed with her focus on new material during the prior tour, I loved that she did that. The retread of old hits during ReInvention wasn't that fun for me. I'd watched her do those same songs in the different time and different place where they belonged. The nadir of the concert was Madonna's rendition of John Lennon's "Imagine". I always hated that song. I was won over on "American Pie" by Madonna…but not even Madge could make "Imagine" not suck for me. That was a dreadful four minutes of my life.

And so that was the American Life era. I still love this album. What started off as a potentially explosive and artistic era petered out into a greatest hits tour and the question of what's next?

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