Stinky Jeans and Guest-List Scenes
Dear Gloffy,
I have a rock and roll boyfriend. I love everything about him … except for his jeans. He wears them every day. He never washes them. They are full of holes. They stink. I tell him how gross his jeans are. He laughs at me. Sometimes in front of his friends he will make me smell them for a laugh. I know he's just being a guy. But seriously … I want to barf sometimes, they reek so bad. I'm sure if anyone knows how to get a guy out of his favorite pants, it's Jeremy Gloff. So what's your secret?
Signed,
Grossed Out
Dear Grossed Out,
First of all thanks for your confidence in my skills. I never kiss and tell! Asking a rock and roll boyfriend to disregard his favorite jeans is like asking Liberace to ditch the fur, like asking Whitney to ditch the crack, or like asking Michael Jackson to ditch the young boys. When it comes to rock and roll boys, dirty jeans are part of the package. If you really want to get even you could stop washing downstairs. Next time Mr. Rock and Roll goes in for the kill, you can provide him with a sniff of his own medicine honaaaay!!! Or just love your boyfriend as is, like Stevie Nicks did in her 1994 classic "Blue Denim" ("I saw him the other day/he reminded me of blue denim … "). I wonder how bad Mick Fleetwood's pants stunk.
Dear Gloffy.
I had a friend that is driving me crazy. He's cool, but all he does is name drop. It's starting to grate me and drive me nuts. He talks about how much this person or that person at the club loves him. He brags about being on guest lists. He brags about getting backstage at shows and about his connections. How do you tactfully let someone know how stupid the shit they say sounds?
Signed,
Not Impressed
Dear Not Impressed,
Being a z-list local celebrity myself (also known as a fauxlebrity), there are certain conducts and codes that come with the territory. First, never talk about how much people love you … let your popularity speak for itself. Second, never take advantage of your connections. If you get in the club free, or if you're granted access behind the scenes … let the photographer's photos do the talking. A true fauxlebrity never acknowledges how awesome they are. I challenge someone to argue with me that the most fabulous icon to ever grace this earth is the divine miss Grace Jones. G-Jo sang her chilly night life anthem "Nightclubbing" with the perfect amount of irony and sass. Grace Jones never bragged or name dropped. Her fierceness spoke for itself. My advice to you is tell your friend to take a page out of the book of Grace Jones.
Write to me!!! Go to JeremyGloff.com and click the link to DEAR GLOFFY!!!! Look for me on Reax.TV!!!!
I have a rock and roll boyfriend. I love everything about him … except for his jeans. He wears them every day. He never washes them. They are full of holes. They stink. I tell him how gross his jeans are. He laughs at me. Sometimes in front of his friends he will make me smell them for a laugh. I know he's just being a guy. But seriously … I want to barf sometimes, they reek so bad. I'm sure if anyone knows how to get a guy out of his favorite pants, it's Jeremy Gloff. So what's your secret?
Signed,
Grossed Out
Dear Grossed Out,
First of all thanks for your confidence in my skills. I never kiss and tell! Asking a rock and roll boyfriend to disregard his favorite jeans is like asking Liberace to ditch the fur, like asking Whitney to ditch the crack, or like asking Michael Jackson to ditch the young boys. When it comes to rock and roll boys, dirty jeans are part of the package. If you really want to get even you could stop washing downstairs. Next time Mr. Rock and Roll goes in for the kill, you can provide him with a sniff of his own medicine honaaaay!!! Or just love your boyfriend as is, like Stevie Nicks did in her 1994 classic "Blue Denim" ("I saw him the other day/he reminded me of blue denim … "). I wonder how bad Mick Fleetwood's pants stunk.
Dear Gloffy.
I had a friend that is driving me crazy. He's cool, but all he does is name drop. It's starting to grate me and drive me nuts. He talks about how much this person or that person at the club loves him. He brags about being on guest lists. He brags about getting backstage at shows and about his connections. How do you tactfully let someone know how stupid the shit they say sounds?
Signed,
Not Impressed
Dear Not Impressed,
Being a z-list local celebrity myself (also known as a fauxlebrity), there are certain conducts and codes that come with the territory. First, never talk about how much people love you … let your popularity speak for itself. Second, never take advantage of your connections. If you get in the club free, or if you're granted access behind the scenes … let the photographer's photos do the talking. A true fauxlebrity never acknowledges how awesome they are. I challenge someone to argue with me that the most fabulous icon to ever grace this earth is the divine miss Grace Jones. G-Jo sang her chilly night life anthem "Nightclubbing" with the perfect amount of irony and sass. Grace Jones never bragged or name dropped. Her fierceness spoke for itself. My advice to you is tell your friend to take a page out of the book of Grace Jones.
Write to me!!! Go to JeremyGloff.com and click the link to DEAR GLOFFY!!!! Look for me on Reax.TV!!!!
