After my series of ten blogs I think I've at least hinted that I'm a Madonna aficionado. Sure enough, Madonna's been with me the greater part of my life. Her new albums are events. It was with great anticipation that Hard Candy made its way into my life.

The night of Hard Candy's release was certainly a special one. I drove with three friends to Downtown Disney in my car, which was re-named "THE HARD CANDY TOUR BUS". Virgin Megastore was holding a Madonna release party. Trivia. Fellow Madonna fans. The evening held great promise, and it did deliver. Driving to Orlando we listened to Confessions On A Dance Floor one last time…officially drawing a close to the Confessions era. We all knew all the words…and it reaffirmed what a great album Confessions was. This album had separately been the soundtracks to all of our lives. And our love for it was now shared in a car.

There was a really cool vibe at the Virgin Store. Naturally, there were lots of gays. None of the strangers really talked to each other, which is unfortunate. It would have been cool to make new friends and bond with strangers based on the common thread of loving Madonna. But it wasn't to be.

Regardless, my crew and I had a wonderful time filling up our arms with Madonna stuff. It was with great eagerness we cashed out at the register and ran back to my car to listen to the new album. Sure, a couple of us heard it on her myspace page…but to actually hear Hard Candy "out in the field" was a whole different experience. Madonna's music works sitting at a computer, but its real place is out in life. In the car. On the dance floor. In motion.

And so the new Madonna album played. I remember upon first listening to the album my friend Okie and I agreed that Madonna's voice sounded grating on the album. I wonder to myself…if this is just because we've gotten used to her deeper and more emotive singing. Back in the early days, during Madonna and Like A Virgin… her voice held a similar high-pitched quality. Had those albums only come out now…how would we have felt about her voice on those albums? Hard Candy is certainly topically a return to the care-free lyricism of the first couple albums. I suppose it's only appropriate that Madonna's voice resumes shades of that early era. "Candy Shop" to "Four Minutes" and on. At some points during the ride back to Tampa the energy in me reached the fever pitch that the perfect Madonna song has sometimes given me. Each song was catchy. The album flowed nicely…the only glaring mis-step at first seeming to be "Spanish Lesson".

So what are my thoughts on the new Madonna album now that's it's been in my life for a few days? I like it a lot. But I cannot say I like it a lot with the gusto I was once able to say that about a Madonna album. I have a huge CD collection…and when I put a new Madonna CD in that collection…it always stood out glaring like a diamond. Hard Candy is a good album…but it doesn't have any more impact or relevance to my life than anything any of my other favorite artists have released this year. It's more than up to par. But it was a soul moving experience like every other Madonna album had been up to this point.

So what happened? Am I just getting older? Am I outgrowing pop music? Is it me? Or is it Madonna? In a way, Hard Candy is the perfect follow-up to Confessions. I think we can all agree that pushing the dark-weighty-topical grooves of Confessions any further would have been stale. There is a certain freshness and spunk to Hard Candy. It's fun. It's sassy. It's primarily weightless…like I said earlier…much like Madonna's first two albums. Sonically, many of the songs throw back to the early 80s/late 70s sound in a way Confessions promised to but didn't. Liner note readers will notice that former Prince and The Revolution guitarist Wendy Melvoin adds some funky licks to the sassy "She's Not Me". It's almost feels like 1982 again.

Despite the pop nature of the album, there are the somewhat experimental moments. "Incredible" goes from a melancholy stuttering pop song into a long coda full of grunts and swirling synth loops. "Give It To Me" benefits from an off-center bridge.

The albums best songs are the ones that invoke the "be free and get up on the dance floor" aesthetic of Madonna's early work. "Give It 2 Me" is a shouter. "Beat Goes On" and "Heartbeat" are effective calls to the dance floor. The only track to recall the more emotive, mature feel of later Madonna is the affecting "Miles Away". I do have to admit I found myself crying to this song driving for lunch the other day…recalling a life experience the song spoke of. I did take a couple other small nuggets with me from the album. "Incredible" is a call to recapture some of the romanticism of youth…while "Beat Goes On" and "Give It 2 Me" both urge forward movement and independence. I could use a bit of all of the above in my life.

I think what I miss most about the new Madonna album is her heavy emotional stamp. Our culture has moved into a place where most everything is centered around mindless fun. Madonna's earlier carefree pop music was released along-side the female-folk boom in the late 80s, alongside grunge albums in the early 90s, alongside the ska-punk revival in the mid 90s. And as society dumbed down, Madonna wised up. In the early part of this decade, as pop got more and more mindless (and counterculture became first commercial, then completely dissolved) Madonna delivered smart, thought provoking dance music. At fifty years old, I suppose our Madonna has a right to want to join the fun. But Madonna always had something different to offer. As trite as her lyrics sometimes got, at least at best Madonna was always attempting to channel into a depth of thought. Hard Candy is a very very effective Madonna dance album…it's a classic in some ways. But it's the kind of product and music that blends right into everything that's going on now…rather than sticking out from it. Hard Candy keeps Madonna afloat alive and well in this modern age. This album will keep her relevance among the youth market and most of us older fans. And probably an album like this is the only way Madonna can survive the current state of pop culture and the entertainment industry. But I'm still a bit bummed. I liked when Madonna was a pioneer for us weird ones too. At 33, I always appreciate a call to the dance floor, or even in the case of Hard Candy, six calls to the dance floor. But it takes more than that these days to catch and keep my interest for a long time. This may be the Madonna album with the shortest shelf live in my life. Time will tell.

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Madonna's career changed with her album, American Life. Public (and fan) opinion seemed to be divided. Some considered the album her ultimate artistic triumph. Others considered it a low point in a long and illustrious career. All opinion aside, the numbers spoke. American Life was the lowest selling album of Madonna's career (although a cool million copies would make any independent artist thrilled…)

(Somewhere during this era Madonna's Truth Or Dare sequel, I'm Gonna Tell You A Secret, showed on VH1. I remember it was aired as a hurricane approached Tampa. I was afraid my city would be gone the day after I watched that movie…but it was still there…)

News about the follow up project first surfaced on Madonna's website herself. Considering the normal amount of secrecy and timing involved with a forthcoming Madonna project…it was a change of pace to see candid reports of a Madonna work-in-progress. Reports stated the album was going to be a return to Madonna's dance roots. The reports also stated that the album would be sequenced as a continuous mix.

My first initial thoughts about this project was that it was an obvious safe bet after the commercial failure of the last project. Madonna doing a blatant dance album was sure to recapture her audience (and sales). I was apprehensive. This certainly marked a new point of reference for Madonna. I had only known Madonna as a trail blazer…forging new musical and artistic paths since day one. This forthcoming dance album seemed to reek dangerously of treading water…

Through the early months of 2005 news was steadily released about the forthcoming Madonna dance album. The first single was to be titled "Hung Up" and it was legendary in that it sampled an ABBA song. The album was to be titled Confessions On A Dance Floor.

"Hung Up" first made its appearance as a short loop online. Upon first listen, I have to admit that I was in love. This was classic Madonna. No statement. No pretentiousness. For the first time in years Madonna was doing a pop dance song without an agenda, and it worked. Hearing the short snippet of the chorus of this song made me hungry for me.

Steadily the track list and lyrics of Confessions was released on Madonna.com. It was definitely good marketing on Madonna's part to reach out to her fans with the marketing of this album. There was a 1-800-Confessions phone line where one could call and "tell Madonna their secrets". Naturally, I called. With the pre-promotion of Confessions it was as if Madonna was taking down some of her walls. Letting people in. It was almost as if Madonna knew she lost some of her commercial relevance and marketability with American Life. The way to win people back was to be more open with them. Hence the early release of the track list, the album cover, the lyrics, etc. (I thought it was so strange Madonna had a song called "Forbidden Love" on the album…was it a cover of "Forbidden Love" from Bedtime Stories? How odd…)

Upon hearing "Hung Up" in its entirety I loved it. I was in the midst of heartbreak and the song's message of empowerment was well timed. Many nights were spent driving around playing that jam. I loved the Confessions cover when I saw it. Red haired Madonna in a pink leotard.

In my own personal life something had changed by the time Confessions came out. I was different. Maybe I've lost a lot of hope. But between American Life and Confessions I lost a lot of passion. And maybe I feel like I'm running in place sometimes. I am no longer excited about music the way I once was. And I am certainly not hopeful about love the way I once was. So I was as excited as I could possibly be about the impending release of Confessions.

I did my normal tradition. I drove to the 24 hour WalMart. I waited forty five minutes for the gentleman to get off his break and to go into the back and get the new Madonna CD out of the box. And he did. And there was the new Madonna CD in my hands. I loved the back cover…a picture of Madonna's shoe in front of a disco ball.

Driving home from my purchase of Confessions I once again got the Madonna tears. In its single edit, "Hung Up" was a brief two verse/two chorus song. But the album version featured a really rad breakdown that I hadn't heard. And when I heard that breakdown I was showered with the power of Madonna at her best. I was moved only the way Madonna can move me… (and the video for "Hung Up" was great…classic Madonna looking hot as ever…)

Upon first listen I was immediately in love with "Get Together". Like "Hung Up" this was classic Madonna pop. After those first two songs I was home. I remember going up to my room and listening to the remainder of the CD while I chatted online to my friends.

I listened to Confessions twice that night. And I did love the album. In fact, the album became my favorite album of the year. I listened to it endlessly. For a moment in time, I would have sworn that it was the best Madonna album ever made. But even upon first listen, I was greeted with a different feeling than I'd ever gotten listening to a Madonna album. There were sounds on the album that were new to Madonna, but not new to the mainstream. For the first time in her career, Madonna wasn't really bringing something new to the table. It wasn't a good thing. It wasn't a bad thing. But it was a strange thing.

Upon first listen I was surprised at how dark a lot of the songs were. I was expecting the new Madonna dance album to harken back to the positive major key dance-a-thons of "Holiday" and "Into The Groove". However, Confessions charted a more industrial, dark-wave slant than any of Madonna's prior dance hits. To this day I fail to see where the tribute to disco is on this album…the album feels much more early 80s New Order than Gloria Ganyor or Chic…by a mile…

It was interesting to pick through Confessions and match up the various self-referential bits thrown into the album. "How High" incorporated song titles from Music. The intro to "Let It Will Be" was shades of "Papa Don't Preach" (as well as "Don't Fear The Reaper.") Throughout the album were references to much of Madonna's prior catalog. This only added to the strange vibe of Madonna re-capping as opposed to her usual trail blazing.

For the later part of 2005 and early 2006, Confessions was the only CD in my CD player basically. As usual, it became incorporated into my life. My friends Summer and Stu cited Madonna's lyric "you can only learn so much in one place…the more that I wait…the more time that I waste" should be an inspiration for me to move out of Tampa, Florida.

My ultimate favorite moment on the album…the moment that captured Madonna at her most Madonna was during the opening verse of "How High". The song opens with "It's funny…I've spent my whole life wanting to be talked about…" which was followed by the ultra-sassy "I DID IT!!" intoned as only a sassy Madonna could intone it. I also loved how Madonna rhymed "New York" with "dork". It was such a horrible rhyme, but it got people talking. People still talk about that line today. I heard it in a recent conversation. That's Madonna doing what she does best…

Confessions On A Dance Floor will always remind me of the Florida winter of 2005. I remember driving around to the album with foggy cold windows. Chilly nights. And I became a little chilly myself at the time. I still have yet to unthaw. The hazy dark synth tones of all the songs added to the eerie fogs of cold Florida night.

I ended up buying the limited edition version of Confessions for the bonus track "Fighting Spirit." I loved it even more than some of the album cuts. I especially enjoyed the incorporation of a chime sound that seemed to recall Blondie's "Rapture".  (Other non-album cuts "Superpop" and "History" were less than stellar...)

If anything, Confessions was a throwback to classic Madonna. And in a way it did feel good to have her back. This was her most unabashedly pop without an agenda since maybe…even TRUE BLUE. As weird as it was to hear Madonna tread water…it was nice to have her back as a pop singer.

Since Confessions my life has seemed to gone in warp speed and slow motion at the same time. I have memories---seeing the video for "Sorry" for the first time at a club in Chicago. Seeing the video for "Jump" the first time at a country gay bar named Wranglers. But it no longer seemed as significant…a new Madonna video. I remember dancing with my friend Robin to "Hung Up" at a Halloween party. Rolling on the floor. It felt like the glory days…again…if only for a minute. But it wasn't. Maybe something just changed in me…maybe I'm just getting older…

Despite my apathy towards music I knew I wanted to see Madonna's Confessions tour. I won tickets on eBay. I had just gotten out of a horrible relationship. I remember being sad the entire drive to Miami alone. It was a strange day.

The concert was good…but not as good as Re-Invention Tour. I expected to cry again. I didn't. I expected to be moved. I wasn't. Truthfully, I was a bit bored. It wasn't until "Erotica" that the light in me became alive. Madonna, for some reason, was doing the demo version of "Erotica" that was never released…a version with different lyrics and everything. During this live song I began to tear up. I remembered my old friends…that were around when the original Erotica came out. I remember my life and passion as it once was. Maybe the concert wasn't as good because two loud girls were talking and smoking right next to me the entire time. It was very hard to watch and concentrate. It almost felt like Madonna's franchise overshadowed the art. It had become a business. It was a business I loved a lot, and was willing to spend a lot of my money on. But it seemed like the fire was a bit dimmed…

And then I drove home. To Miami, in front of Madonna, and back home in the same night. Broken hearted. Surreal.

Madonna's Confessions era turned out to break records. She sold a lot of albums. Her tour grossed an extreme amount of money. I watched the concert on TV. My friends were supposed to come over and watch it with me. They didn't. I watched it alone.

So what holds the future of Madonna? What's next? So that's my life. I am 33 years old. Madonna came into my life when I was an enthusiastic eight year old. Full of life and thunder. And at 33 Madonna is still in my life. I still love her as much. She has a new album coming out next week. Initially when I heard she was working with Timbaland and Pharrell I was disappointed.  In a career based on opening new doors, it seemed like a bandwagon move.  I heard demos this summer and I didn't like them very much. I had a fear after all these years that Madonna and I would be parting ways…

But the outlook is good. The cover art for the forth-coming Hard Candy shows a nearly 50 year old Madonna with her legs spread. At first I was apprehensive. But then I re-considered. Who said you had to sing slow songs when you get old? Who said you had to wear baggy black dresses? Maybe Madonna will re-define the stigma that goes along with aging.

The first single "4 Minutes" has already been incorporated into my life. Every day at work my friend Jessica and I, at 4:44 play our ringtones (the song) and do our "4 Minutes Dance Off". I was totally indifferent to the song at first. I like it now.

Stayed tuned. The career of Madonna will continue. And so will the life of Jeremy Gloff. Will these two universes continue to be intertwined? The next chapter is beginning soon and new memories will be created.

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Madonna segued out of the Music era with the title song from the James Bond movie Die Another Day. Originally Madonna was supposed to have recorded a different song that was a cover (the title escapes me) but that never surfaced.

I loved the James Bond song. Years later I would read in the press that Madonna's Bond theme was "a disappointment" and "a flop" but I don't remember that being the case at all. At the time, "Die Another Day" got heavy rotation at the clubs. I remember MTV playing the song as well as radio. I remember before the CD single came out I just had to have a copy of the song. I found a fuzzy download of "Die Another Day" and burned a CD (it was that same day I also first got my hands on either Mariah's new "Make It Through The Rain" or Tori Amos' "Sorta Fairytale" -- can't remember which--but I remember there were two songs on that CD I took with me everywhere…)

The "Die Another Day" video continued the dark violent streak introduced with the previous "What It Feels Like For A Girl". I liked this new dark and broody Madonna. I could relate.

As 2002 neared to a close rumors started circulating about what the fan sites called "Madonna 10" (being that the upcoming album would be her tenth studio release.) Details about the forthcoming album were scant. There were rumors of sessions with rappers. There were rumors that Madonna would be rapping on the album herself. There were rumors of a ten-plus minute epic track. There were fake track listings and there was a statement from Warner Brother Records that "they had just heard tracks from the upcoming Madonna album, and once again it sounded like nothing she had done before."

As information leaks onto the net one wonders what is real and what isn't. The first legitimate information to leak about "Madonna 10" was that there was a song called "Hollywood" on the album, and a song called "American Life." Much like any time there's new Madonna information, my curiosity was aroused. These seemed like different song titles from Madonna. I couldn't quite imagine what a Madonna song titled "American Life" could possibly sound like?

A few months prior to the release of "Madonna 10" little clips began to surface on the internet. The very very first clip to leak was a short few second clip of Madonna rapping the follow phrase: "I'm drinking a soy latte - I get a couple shotte - it goes right through my body - and you know I'm satisfied" over and over and over. Three minutes of this loop. This short clip confirmed the rumors that Madonna would be rapping on an upcoming song. Would she pull it off? Realistically, Madonna did rap at the end of "Vogue" -- the whole "Greta Garbo and Monroe" shtick. Up to this point in her career, Madonna had made everything work. In my eyes, she had never failed. Not from a personal standpoint, nor from an artistic or commercial standpoint. No matter how daring or abstract (within the realms of pop music) Madonna got, she always pulled it off.

As 2003 began it was confirmed that Madonna's upcoming album was going to be titled American Life. Interesting. Where would Madonna take us this time? What was next? Shortly after this announcement photos from the Craig McDean photo session began to surface. Madonna was pictured as a black haired, beret wearing, camouflaged renegade. I loved these pictures. I might have loved these pictures more than any Madonna photos I had ever seen before. There was something punk about these photos. Shades of Chrissie Hynde. Something dark and ominous and violent. This was a different kind of darkness than "Frozen" Madonna. That darkness was sad and mysterious. These new Craig McDean photos portrayed Madonna as a confrontational, gun toting soldier. I loved it.

A second clip of the "American Life" song leaked onto the net. This clip contained the chorus of the song…lone…acoustic…very 1970s… The more that leaked about this song, this album, and this era, the more intrigued I found myself. It was hard to picture the chorus of this song being the same song that contained the prior leaked rap. Hmmm?

As details about the album began to arise so did information about the forthcoming "American Life" video. There were rumors. Rumors about burning babies. Rumors that this was the most extreme thing Madonna had ever done. Jonas Akerlund, the video's director released a statement that of all the Madonna projects with which he's been involved, the "American Life" video was of the most importance. His favorite.

Over the next few weeks the song titles and lyrics were released for the American Life album. I was completely enthralled. With song titles as abstract as "Love Profusion" and "X-static Process" I knew this had to be good. Reading through the lyrics…the seemed a little remedial…but Madonna's lyrics were never her strongest point. It was her execution of her lyrics. Her delivery.

Anticipation in the Madonna fan base reached a fever pitch as her new "American Life" single was to be released as a digital download exclusively on her website. It was 2003...I'm not sure how widespread I-tunes was at the time…but I remember it being different for me at least to buy a single digitally like this.

So I paid my $1.49 and let the new Madonna song download. The temperature and lighting in my bedroom were just perfect. It was a new Madonna era. I was ecstatically eager and ready for this. The song completed its download. I burned the song to a CD, and I put it in my CD player.
And Madonna's naked a capella voice issued from the speakers: "Do I have to change my name…will it get me far…should I lose some weight…am I gonna be a star?"

And immediately an obtuse electronic bleepy bass line kicked in. Off centre. Off kilt. Easily the most obtuse song Madonna has ever done.

And so the tradition was continued. I began to cry listening to this brand new Madonna song "American Life". Despite the simplicity of the lyrics…I strongly subscribed to the songs' anti-materialism, anti-pop-culture, anti-fashion aesthetic. For the zillionth time, Madonna was in my right place at my right time.

"American Life" turned out to be quite the song. Abstract electronic verses, a repetitive pre-chorus, and a chorus itself that dropped the electronics completely. And then came the rap in all its glory. A bit cheesy…ok a lot cheesy…but totally tongue in cheek. If anything, this new Madonna song was far out there. I wondered if she'd really pull this off. I had a hard time imagining the simplistic general public grasping this song and embracing it. My best hopes lied on the video…many times it took a Madonna video to truly bring a song to life. And from what I'd heard about this video so far…it was quite the whopper.

Shortly after the release of the "American Life" single I went on tour up north to play some dates. I remember being in Delaware in my rental car with my guitar player Jimmy Reese and playing the song over and over and over. I made a lot of new friends up during that show…and I drove them around listening to the new Madonna single over and over. I just loved how weird it was. I loved the acoustic guitar riff atop the electronics. I loved the double chorus. I loved that it defied all convention. I will always associate "American Life" the song with that tour…

And so the days clicked down until the "American Life" videos supposed release. Meanwhile, in the world the war in Iraq had begun. And so began a violent dark time in our world. A week before the video was set to air, reports came out that Madonna was editing her new video to tone down the ending. A few more days passed. On the eve of the video's release came the news. I remember the moment. I remember sitting in front of my computer and reading with disbelief. Madonna was withdrawing her "American Life" video from release. I felt cold and empty. After twenty years of fearlessness Madonna, for the first time ever, had compromised her art. "American Life" was set to be her grandest, most daring, most shocking, and probably most important and timely statement ever. There certainly would have been a grand backlash to this video…but the world NEEDED this video at this time. And that night…the night Madonna withdrew her "American Life" video…something changed forever. It was that night that it felt like Madonna resigned from her position as the renegade spokesperson of my generation. Mass marketing and safe bets had won the day. I managed to get my hands on the edited clip of the unreleased video. Even that version was shocking, artistic, and necessary. (Years later when I was the uncensored version of the video…I wondered how much of an impact the video would have made…certainly Madonna's most daring statement.)

I knew that without the visuals to accompany this song…the song's message was going to go over people's heads. In sync with the startling imagery…the song lit up like a forest fire. Without the video…the message escaped. Madonna may always be the queen of pop…but after that night she would no longer in my heart be a warrior.

"American Life" was refashioned into a passive and boring video depicting Madonna in front of various flags. The video sucked. All the "American Life" promo shots were re-tinted to fade out the guns. And an entire era of Madonna had within two weeks been watered down. With consideration to her marketability and public image, I can easily see why Madonna chose to modify her art. But…this went against everything Madonna had stood for. And through the years Madonna's statements had gotten bolder and bolder… With this new albums and its stance against materialism and our decaying culture…Madonna censoring herself cheapened her own statements. I was really sad that night. I know it's stupid…but I was. I felt in a way….let down.

American Life the album rolled closer, despite the failure of the first single. Madonna went on a neat promo trail armed with a beret and an acoustic guitar. Amidst the ganga-rap and Barbie dolls on MTV--I thought it was neat they were still giving Madonna air time in this strange phase of hers. Right in the middle of all the vapidness was a Madonna special with her and Mirwais plucking out new songs on acoustic guitars. Madonna the folk singer. I loved it. I LOVED IT. I knew with this new album Madonna would descend from her top 40 throne…but as a writer and musician myself I flourished in the countercultures of noise music and punk. To see Madonna evolving into a fringe artist herself thrilled me. Welcome home my Madonna. I burned a CD from the internet of one of Madonna's promo acoustic gigs…one of the highlights being an acoustic version of "Like A Virgin".

To purchase American Life I once again made the trek to the overnight 24 hour WalMart. The same gentleman who was kind enough to go into the storeroom and get Music for me did the same for the new album. Being that it was WalMart, I knew I would only be able to get my hands on the version of the album without the parental advisory sticker. I didn't mind. I just wanted to get my hands on the new Madonna ASAP. I bought two copies…one for myself and one for the Madonna bingo party I was going to be hosting the following evening.  (I ended up buying the Parental Advisory version the following day...and was pleasantly surprised when Madonna added in a series of "fuck its" into the title track.  Loved it.)

With the album in my hands, before even listening to it I loved everything about it. I loved the minimalist cover art. I loved the dripping blood font. I loved that my favorite pop singer was releasing material that was dark and just outside of the mainstream. I couldn't wait to get into my car and hear the rest of the album. Once again, I'd refrained from listening to all the tracks prior to the album's release. (The night before I listened to "Mother and Father" and "Love Profusion".)

I drove home from WalMart with American Life in my CD player. The album opened with the title track, which I knew and loved. Once the song segued into "Hollywood" the tears once again came. This song was so dark and edgy. It reminded me of something Madonna would have done in her pre-first album days. This album was certainly punk in its aura…if anything. I immediately loved "Hollywood". Track three "Im So Stupid" was another strange one. During the opening passage Madonna holds one vocoder-ed note for a bit longer than is acceptable to the comfortable ear. And I loved it. I loved that this album was abrasive. I knew a lot of people were going to think that it sucked. That made me love it even more. Only certain people were going to "get" this album and that made it special to me.

I ended up loving every song on the album. The production was very spare and minimal. A couple of the songs even bordered on indie-rock. Madonna had challenged her voice, her musicianship, and her sound yet again. The only weakness in the album, I felt, were the lyrics. At times embarrassingly simple, and at times preachy. But I was willing to over look those minor flaws. "Die Another Day" also seemed a bit out of place on the record…its production was a bit too lush. "Mother And Father" was affecting in its simplicity…and "Nothing Fails" was an emotive pop song. "X Static Process" found Madonna pared down to just voice/guitar…leading to the most daring and revealing moment on the album. It was refreshing and almost shocking to hear a high caliber pop singer go so lo-fi. I loved it.

American Life was easily one of my favorite Madonna albums yet. It was interesting as the next few months unfolded. No matter how Madonna tried, a commercial fire could not be ignited. The video for the second single, "Hollywood" was disappointing to me. After the daring "American Life" failed Madonna quickly dyed her hair back to blonde, lost the beret, and re-adopted her classic Madonna look. This seemed like a hasty commercial move that was in direct conflict to the message of the entire album. The single and the video both failed. Further singles "Love Profusion" and "Nothing Fails" also failed to ignite chart heat. I honestly felt like "Nothing Fails" had the potential to breakthrough…given the proper video and promotion. (Although it must be mentioned one of the highlights of this era was Madonna's quirky photo shoot for W Magazine.)

This was definitely a strange time to be a Madonna fan. Madonna began to release children's books. I collected them all, of course, but there was definitely some "what the fuck" going on on my part. It was also during this era that Madonna teamed up with Britney Spears for the horrendous duet "Me Against The Music." Teaming up with one of the then-current teeny bopper stars initially seemed an act of unnecessary desperation. And it didn't help that the song itself sucked (unless listened to and enjoyed strictly from the point of camp value.)  And then there was that annoying Gap ad with the equally annoying Missy Elliot.

The Britney/Madonna team created a firestorm of controversy when they made out on stage at the MTV VMAs. We all know the story already. The thing I enjoyed most about that whole ordeal was Madonna's manly outfit…shades of the Girly Show.

Towards the end of the American Life era Madonna's official website began to advertise a book titled "Nobody Knows Me" on their website. The book allegedly was going to take you further behind the scenes than ever before, and show sides to Madonna no one had seen. I was thrilled! Of course I smacked down the money. I think it was around thirty dollars. I was rather disappointed when the book turned out to be a thin photo essay with scant quotes from her manager and stylist and some song lyrics. I felt a bit taken advantage of as a Madonna fan.

Madonna also released an EP around this time titled Remixed and Revisited which reconsidered some of the tracks from American Life. I loved the remixes. The new mixes took the tracks in a heavier rock direction…a direction Madonna had never taken before. Unfortunately, the EP wasn't marketed properly and it sunk as fast as everything else did from this era.

American Life era ended with the "Re-Invention Tour." After the prior tour "Drowned World" (which I did not see live) apparently Madonna was putting together a show that was more crowd pleasing and focused on her early hits more.

I remember tickets going on sale at 11 am. I manned one phone at work while my mom did another at her house. By mistake we BOTH ended up buying tickets for the show. I easily found someone to buy the second ticket…but unfortunately that landed me in a long car ride to Ft. Lauderdale with some guy I'd never met before. It was certainly uncomfortable maintaining eight hours worth of conversation with a stranger.

Map Quest fucked me and instead of ending up where the Madonna concert was supposed to be, I ended up in front of an elementary school. For two hours people kept sending us on wild goose chases. I ended up by the ocean. I ended up by big hotels. FINALLY someone led us on the right path. We found the venue…an hour after the show was scheduled to start. I was finally going to be in the same room as one of my few heroes. I knew this was going to be an important night for me. So I got out of my rental car and I ran and ran and ran. I was gasping for breath. I left the strange guy far in the dust. And I ran and ran and ran. There was an old lady taking tickets at the gate. She said the concert had just started. I ran to my seat. And there she was…in the same room as me. Madonna. Singing "Frozen." And tears came down my face. And those tears didn't stop for the next two hours. I'd only missed two songs from the show. ("Vogue" and "Nobody Knows Me".)

I was most emotional during the live versions of the American Life tracks. When it comes to life performance, I usually find myself most moved when artists are performing the new material that they are most passionate about (unless of course the new material sucks.) Hearing Madonna sing these new renegade acoustic tracks live was as close to a spiritual experience as I've ever had. Especially during the violent and bloody rendition of "American Life" did I sob. This was Madonna - the artist. The reason I loved her.

I walked away from the concert with a strange feeling. For the first time since her beginning, it felt like Madonna was no longer a trail blazer. Although much of the mass public disagreed with her focus on new material during the prior tour, I loved that she did that. The retread of old hits during ReInvention wasn't that fun for me. I'd watched her do those same songs in the different time and different place where they belonged. The nadir of the concert was Madonna's rendition of John Lennon's "Imagine". I always hated that song. I was won over on "American Pie" by Madonna…but not even Madge could make "Imagine" not suck for me. That was a dreadful four minutes of my life.

And so that was the American Life era. I still love this album. What started off as a potentially explosive and artistic era petered out into a greatest hits tour and the question of what's next?

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