Crate Brothers' Vegetarian Chunky "Chicken" Salad
Photo: Brad Askew
 
"I don't eat beef, I slap blood out of Purdue."-Ghostface Killa

Great words by a great man.  Every since the Crate Brothers decided to, "get our veg on," we have been trying to replicate some of our favorite childhood staples without having to kill stuff.  The soy pig knuckles were a complete failure, but this one is actually pretty darn tasty.  Enjoy, and make sure you look out for Certified Bonkers, the first Crate Brothers record, dropping this fall.  Word.
 
What you need:

-1 Cup Water
-2 Breast Pieces of "Fake" Chicken
    (soy works best, available at your local organic/vegan store)
-2 Stalks of Celery
-1 Quarter Onion
-1 Tablespoons Salt
-2 Tablespoons Pepper
- Lettuce
-2 Tablespoons Relish
-4 Tablespoons of Your Favorite Mayo
    (in our case we use Miracle Whip, cause we hate Mayo, and Veganase doesn't do it justice)
- Your favorite Brand of Pita Shells/Wraps
-1 1/2 Tablespoons of Paprika/Old Bay

Directions:

-In a large frying pan, add the cup of water.
-Heat on medium
-Take "chicken," breasts and put some random slits in them
-Cook for 10 to 15 min, flipping over every so often
-In a mixing bowl, add the relish, miracle whip, salt pepper
-Take "chicken," off heat, and let cool
-Take onions and celery and chop em' up
 (fine pieces work, but we like it chunky cause that's how we roll)
-Cube the "chicken"
 (like I said we like it chunky, but do you?)
-Mix all ingredients in a bowl
-Take pita, fill with lettuce, then top with "chicken," mix
-Sprinkle with paprika or "that good Lawreys"
-Enjoy!