Christina Wagner
Words: MacKenzie Pause
Photo: Chris Russick

Christina Wagner takes the stage with a confidence that quickly proves she is not your average singer-songwriter. The sexy, sultry, whiskey drinking guitarist/vocalist from Jacksonville takes the genre to the cleaners. She mixes the whites with colors, puts on an extra spin cycle and throws everything in the dryer, not laying one piece safely out to dry. Ignoring all the rules and standards of acoustic music, she combines traditional songs about heartache with beautifully unique melodies.

While her music presents a beauty on its own, she vehemently projects the passion and pain with her live performances. Each song seems to take her to another place, while her heartbroken, and just plain pissed off, lyrics give us something we can all relate to.        

"Hey Dad, thanks for doing it with Mom," she smiled and said to her father from the stage.

Her sense of humor immediately comes across the Jack Rabbits’ stage, intertwining with attitude and aggressiveness, without losing her femininity. She opened the night for Fiction Plane, better known as "Sting's son's band." 

"Seriously, shut the fuck up. Sorry, I've got a goddamn microphone and you've got a faux hawk," Wagner said to a vociferous audience member. She smiled and added, "Momma's been drinking whiskey, I'm sorry."

Wagner elaborated on her experiences with clamorous audiences.

Wagner said: "If it's a rock band, that's fine because you can't hear shit over your monitors. But when you're a solo artist, it sucks when you're trying to sing and pour your heart out, and  you can hear an entire conversation before you can hear yourself in your monitor. Being a solo artist, you can hear a pin drop."

Wagner may have the balls to call someone out, but she definitely doesn't take herself too seriously. Her sense of humor adds another layer to her personality with a turkey leg tattoo on her thigh that says "Thanksgiving '05," complete with Black Flag symbols.

She laughed. "You can't take things too seriously with a tattoo like that. There are fifteen other people with this as well. We all got it on tour with Suicide Machines and Whole Wheat Bread. It was actually the last tour that Suicide Machines did. All of us were drunk as shit spending Thanksgiving together and we decided to never forget it with a tattoo. The turkey legs seemed like a good idea."

It's definitely a good story. In case you are wondering, the Black Flag symbols were simply because they were listening to a lot of Black Flag. Does there really need to be more justification? The story doesn't end there, though.

Wagner added: "It was like Edward Scissorhands. This twenty-bedroom mansion was where this art student was also tattooing on the top floor. There was this one room with a broken window, and it was the first day of snow in Erie, Pennsylvania. The snow came through the whole place, so it was snowing inside while we were getting tattooed."

That tour made a permanent impact on Wagner in multiple ways. It was also a tour where she was given a chance to show her skills as an audio engineer.

"I like audio engineering almost as much as playing," she said. "Playing is awesome, but there is something about engineering that I love." 

Since Wagner has done engineering, booking, promoting, solo work and band work, she seems to have an idea as to what she wants out of her musical efforts.

"With a band," she began, "there would be less stress on me, but at the same time I'd have to give up a lot of captainesque commands. I was in a ten-piece band about 10 years ago. The reason I've been solo for so long is because I was in a ten-piece band. Personalities, conflicts of interests, you name it—it's a goddamn disaster being in a band. There are so many opinions, so many people that can be backwards from where you want to go. The benefit of being solo is that I can command everything that is going on. The downfall of that is that you have no other input than your own. It's a double- edged sword."

Although Wagner knows from experience the ups and downs of being in a band or a solo artist, she plans to continue her work as a singer-songwriter. She doesn't fit the mold of many female singer-songwriters, and was quick to vocalize her problems with those stereotypes.

"They feel like they can cash in on their looks," Wagner began. "Having a sweet body or hot legs. Like tonight, fucking Sting Jr. said something about hot legs did really good tonight. Fuck that, because girls think they can bank on their looks in order to get their point across. A lot of girls in this genre sound like Jewel and it's so generic. Just because you have a vagina doesn't mean you're good at what you do."

Vagina and all, Wagner exudes raw talent and drive for her music. She's currently writing the final tracks for an album she expects to complete early next year. With an anticipated release, the blunt, yet charming, Wagner has a lot on her plate besides turkey legs.

She may be gaining notoriety through her music, but she is also known for her big cock.  
Wagner said: "I was born the year of the rooster and my tattoo artist had a liking for roosters. He showed me this sketch he had and it was fantastic. Since I was born in the year of the cock, I had to get it. It also gets me a lot of free drinks, when I bet that I have a bigger cock than you. People take the bait, I pull up my skirt and my cock is a foot long. What are they going to say? They just look at it and order a drink."

Emotional lyrics, hypnotizing melodies, turkey legs and big cocks—Christina Wagner has it all. Oh yeah, and you won't hear any Jewel covers at her show. 

myspace.com/christinawagner